If you have ever experienced anxiety you will understand what I am talking about, if you haven’t, you’ll think I am crazy. I have dealt with anxiety for relatively most of my life. Even as a young child I had irrational worries that would control me. Then, I didn’t have a name for it, I just knew I was different. Thankfully, we live in a generation where anxiety and depression is talked about and treated, yet sadly, many still attach a stigma to someone who deals with these issues. We know now, and science has proved, that it’s not just all in your head. It isn’t just something you can snap out of, because it has to do with a depletion of chemicals in your brain. Just as when you eat chocolate or drink alcohol, you relax, that is a chemical reaction in your brain.
For me, anxiety feels like a cement wall that I can’t climb, dig under, or go around. It comes unexpectedly, unreasonably, and often suddenly, though sometimes it is gradual over several days before it becomes acute. It takes the color and purpose out of life. Even on a sunny day, everything feels gloomy. Along with the mental effects, the physical body is affected too. I have a rapid heart rate, sweating, difficulty breathing, I often become nauseated and/or have stomach pain and diarrhea. I become very thirsty, lose my appetite, and feel like I am shaking though am usually not visibly. I can’t sleep, can’t concentrate, and can’t stop my mind from racing. It is such a frustrating feeling to know in your heart that nothing is worth get so worked up over, but not being able to stop your mind and body from reacting. It truly is out of your own grasp to control.
For many years I have been on and off anti-depressants. All the time I have been ashamed and embarrassed that I need them to function normally. I have felt weak and worthless. I have felt like if I was a better Christian, I would be able to handle this. If I just prayed more, read my bible more, etc. I have tried alternative medicines such as herbs and supplements, tried to balance my horomones, all with temporary results, eventually I have to go back to the prescriptions, and feel like a failure once again for having to be on them.
God has been talking to me about this, and what He has said has been a salve to my hurting heart. He reminds me that it is in my weakness that his strength is visible (2 Cor 12:10). My stubbornness while trying to do it on my own and ‘handle it’ is pride. I have to look at the blessing that I have to be living in a generation where there is medicine available. How silly of me to think that He would make this available to me and then slap my hand for accepting it. That’s not how God operates.
God does not wait for us to clean up our act before accepting us. It is His job to make us holy, not our own. Only He is able. Only he is able to calm the storm in my mind, and if he uses medicine to do that, why be ashamed? I am convinced that Satan uses shame to keep us quiet. It’s in the quietness of our struggles that we experience loneliness. If no one knows, no one can help. If we don’t tell, no one knows they aren’t alone. So, here I am, telling. I hope someone understands and finds comfort in the fact that I know and understand.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Never say Never
Before I had kids I said never a lot. My kid would never__________ (insert action). Even in the early days of parenting I would look at other parents and criticize their lack of parenting skills. The more my kids I have added to our family and the more they grow, the more I realize it is not my job to control my kids. It is my job to train them. But, even good training has to be implemented by the person being trained. There are very few things we actually have control over with our kids. No more can we control the genes that they are made up of or their eye color than can we control their personalities. Anyone with a child has surely learned quickly that you can’t control when your child eats, sleeps, and potties. That’s just the beginning of it.
I believe that parenting is God’s way of making us grow up. We learn to think selflessly. We also learn that never is a bad word. I can’t tell you how many times I have been humbled by something I swore I would never let happen in my house and under my supervision. I wish I could tell all those other moms that I have judged I am sorry. For I know the feeling of the stares by moms who don’t approve of my parenting. I hear the whispers of appall. I know what they feel and sound like only because they have come out of me in the past.
Just as we can’t control our children, we also can’t control our circumstances. No one can plan for what life will throw at us. Honestly, some days we just try to survive and keep our heads above water. Situations that leave us feeling overwhelmed, lend for plenty of opportunities to mess up. So give your fellow moms a break.
Jesus told us to “take the plank out of our own eye before trying to remove a speck of sawdust from your brother’s (or sister’s) eye” (Matthew 7:5). Only when I have my house in order and all my “ducks” in a row, do I have the freedom to criticize another mother. And since that never happens, you get the idea. So, if I have stared at you with disapproval, I am truly sorry. I have no idea how I would react in your situation until I am placed there. And next time you are tempted to criticize me, reconsider please.
When I am tempted to think that I can take credit for all the good things my kids do, I remember that if I do, I also have to credit for all the bad they do. If God, who is the THE perfect parent, has kids who misbehave and mess up, then how much more can I expect my kids to?!
I believe that parenting is God’s way of making us grow up. We learn to think selflessly. We also learn that never is a bad word. I can’t tell you how many times I have been humbled by something I swore I would never let happen in my house and under my supervision. I wish I could tell all those other moms that I have judged I am sorry. For I know the feeling of the stares by moms who don’t approve of my parenting. I hear the whispers of appall. I know what they feel and sound like only because they have come out of me in the past.
Just as we can’t control our children, we also can’t control our circumstances. No one can plan for what life will throw at us. Honestly, some days we just try to survive and keep our heads above water. Situations that leave us feeling overwhelmed, lend for plenty of opportunities to mess up. So give your fellow moms a break.
Jesus told us to “take the plank out of our own eye before trying to remove a speck of sawdust from your brother’s (or sister’s) eye” (Matthew 7:5). Only when I have my house in order and all my “ducks” in a row, do I have the freedom to criticize another mother. And since that never happens, you get the idea. So, if I have stared at you with disapproval, I am truly sorry. I have no idea how I would react in your situation until I am placed there. And next time you are tempted to criticize me, reconsider please.
When I am tempted to think that I can take credit for all the good things my kids do, I remember that if I do, I also have to credit for all the bad they do. If God, who is the THE perfect parent, has kids who misbehave and mess up, then how much more can I expect my kids to?!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Grocery List Religion
I’ve got to stop writing these blogs….God makes me eat my words. I hate it when He does that!
What I would like to have is a grocery list religion. I’ll make out my list, clip my coupons, and then go to the store to stock up on the things we’ll need till the next paycheck. I’ll take some peace, definitely some patience, my kids are requesting a little gentleness and kindness lately, oh and I should probably have some joy, and while I’m at it I should probably throw some self-control in the cart too. When I go to pay, the checker tells me the cost and I decide to use my credit card and promise to pay later. Feeling very accomplished I happily take all my ‘groceries’ home and fill up my cabinets. The problem presents itself a few days later when something unexpected happens and I am all of a sudden in crisis mode and realize I didn’t stock up on any love or hope or perseverance. Dang-it there was no way to know THAT was gonna happen! UGH! The time finally comes when I have to pay my bill.
Walking in the abundant life does come at a price…am I willing to pay it? How much is it worth to me? Am I willing to sacrifice my time, my energy, my will for God’s blessing on my life? God has already paid my ransom to give me eternal life…am I willing to crucify myself daily and carry my cross to follow him in the details of daily living? Will I follow him no matter where he leads and trust that the price I pay is worth the dividends?
Every time I choose Him over the television or the computer, or the pile of dishes in the sink or the unfolded laundry, I am crucifying the human nature in me that is at its root, selfish. I am depositing into my account (so to speak). Then when the next crisis hits, and it will, I am better prepared. I have the resources that I need to keep going. I have the self control to hold my tongue, the perseverance to withstand the doubt that creeps in, the truth in me to resist the lies that bombard me, the peace that keeps me from being tossed by the winds of circumstances, and kindness in spite difficult people. Isn’t that worth sacrificing Facebook, and an empty kitchen sink? Lord, help me remember that you want me to do more than “just get by”.
What I would like to have is a grocery list religion. I’ll make out my list, clip my coupons, and then go to the store to stock up on the things we’ll need till the next paycheck. I’ll take some peace, definitely some patience, my kids are requesting a little gentleness and kindness lately, oh and I should probably have some joy, and while I’m at it I should probably throw some self-control in the cart too. When I go to pay, the checker tells me the cost and I decide to use my credit card and promise to pay later. Feeling very accomplished I happily take all my ‘groceries’ home and fill up my cabinets. The problem presents itself a few days later when something unexpected happens and I am all of a sudden in crisis mode and realize I didn’t stock up on any love or hope or perseverance. Dang-it there was no way to know THAT was gonna happen! UGH! The time finally comes when I have to pay my bill.
Walking in the abundant life does come at a price…am I willing to pay it? How much is it worth to me? Am I willing to sacrifice my time, my energy, my will for God’s blessing on my life? God has already paid my ransom to give me eternal life…am I willing to crucify myself daily and carry my cross to follow him in the details of daily living? Will I follow him no matter where he leads and trust that the price I pay is worth the dividends?
Every time I choose Him over the television or the computer, or the pile of dishes in the sink or the unfolded laundry, I am crucifying the human nature in me that is at its root, selfish. I am depositing into my account (so to speak). Then when the next crisis hits, and it will, I am better prepared. I have the resources that I need to keep going. I have the self control to hold my tongue, the perseverance to withstand the doubt that creeps in, the truth in me to resist the lies that bombard me, the peace that keeps me from being tossed by the winds of circumstances, and kindness in spite difficult people. Isn’t that worth sacrificing Facebook, and an empty kitchen sink? Lord, help me remember that you want me to do more than “just get by”.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Little Children
When my older kids were young, in the demanding and sleep depriving stages of toddler and baby, I would often tell myself “when they get older this will be so much easier”. As they have grown it has gotten easier in some areas, in others it has gotten much harder. The attention that they demand from me is not as much physical, being up in the middle of the night or changing diapers or endlessly wiping runny noses, but the effort that they need from me now is more mental. I now am responsible for coaching them on the difficult times in life that I sometimes have yet to figure out myself. I am needed to listen, to be empathetic, give advice, sooth ruffled feathers, calm fears, encourage, or pick the up the pieces of a broken heart. No longer is the crisis over someone getting their toys taken away or needing a snack or a band-aid. Now the stakes are much higher.
I have also noticed that when my children were younger they were always pursuing me. This was part of why I was so exhausted physically. There was always someone at my feet or in my lap, someone needing to be carried or held or fed. As they grow older though, I have realized that I must often be the one to pursue them. They have become stubborn and determined to do things their way. I cannot afford to turn my attention from the things in them that need to be corrected. I must prevent them from building walls around their hearts, or growing bitter and unforgiving. I have to seek them out in order to do this.
As mentally exhausted as this makes me, it also makes me appreciate that God is always pursuing me. He is ever-aware of all the areas in which I need a listening ear, or comfort, or correction, or guidance. He is patient with me and doesn’t force my trust, but gently seeks me out to correct me and leads me in his way to show me how much he loves me. He gladly invests his time and his energy in me. Much unlike the shameful times when I lose my temper at the demand of my motherly presence! I am so thankful that the God, whose power created the universe, has limit-less energy to take care of my day to day needs. He never grows tired of listening to me and he is patient with me even in the middle of the night.
With the different ages of my children, I am pulled in both directions of exhaustion. Not only do I have two that require my mental focus, but I am still the mother to two children that demand my physical attention. I am still looking forward to those days when it gets easier…at least physically. Knowing what is down the road though, I have learned to treasure these young days of my children, when they readily come to me and just enjoy being near me, when a hug makes it all better, where they are content with me just holding them on my lap, when mommy’s arms makes the world feel safe. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 18:3. When we refuse to admit our weaknesses and need for God and demand to do it our way, we are setting ourselves up for a great fall, but if we come to him trusting in what he provides and are content to rest in his strength we are greatly rewarded.
I have also noticed that when my children were younger they were always pursuing me. This was part of why I was so exhausted physically. There was always someone at my feet or in my lap, someone needing to be carried or held or fed. As they grow older though, I have realized that I must often be the one to pursue them. They have become stubborn and determined to do things their way. I cannot afford to turn my attention from the things in them that need to be corrected. I must prevent them from building walls around their hearts, or growing bitter and unforgiving. I have to seek them out in order to do this.
As mentally exhausted as this makes me, it also makes me appreciate that God is always pursuing me. He is ever-aware of all the areas in which I need a listening ear, or comfort, or correction, or guidance. He is patient with me and doesn’t force my trust, but gently seeks me out to correct me and leads me in his way to show me how much he loves me. He gladly invests his time and his energy in me. Much unlike the shameful times when I lose my temper at the demand of my motherly presence! I am so thankful that the God, whose power created the universe, has limit-less energy to take care of my day to day needs. He never grows tired of listening to me and he is patient with me even in the middle of the night.
With the different ages of my children, I am pulled in both directions of exhaustion. Not only do I have two that require my mental focus, but I am still the mother to two children that demand my physical attention. I am still looking forward to those days when it gets easier…at least physically. Knowing what is down the road though, I have learned to treasure these young days of my children, when they readily come to me and just enjoy being near me, when a hug makes it all better, where they are content with me just holding them on my lap, when mommy’s arms makes the world feel safe. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” Matthew 18:3. When we refuse to admit our weaknesses and need for God and demand to do it our way, we are setting ourselves up for a great fall, but if we come to him trusting in what he provides and are content to rest in his strength we are greatly rewarded.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Safe?
Ever think about how much time, energy, and money we humans put into being safe? We have warnings on everything including our hot drinks and our shopping carts. We have safety belts, safety pads, and safety helmets. We have liability forms and releases for everything you can imagine to protect us from being blamed or blaming. We have filters on our air, on our water, and our internets. We have Christian schools to protect our children from exposure to the world. We have volume control, gun control and pest control. We have police officers on our streets and in our schools. We have alarm systems on our houses and our workplaces and even our cars. Yet, it seems that this world is no safer than it has ever been.
Our attempts to create peace and a feeling of security are seemingly in vain. Disease, divorce, and loss are prominent. Unemployment rates are dangerously high and the stock market is bleeding. Death is inescapable.
Where can we find this peace that we long for? Is it even attainable? It can feel at times we have found it for a moment but then it eludes us. Realizing that we have very little control over our lives can be frustrating, depressing and even scary.
Trust is a powerful thing. Depending on what or who you place your trust determines the extent of your peace. I have known very little suffering compared to some, but I have known enough suffering to know I want to prevent it. The effort to prevent pain whether physical or emotional displaces our focus.
We need to lay down the magnifying glass that justifies our dissatisfaction with our perceived securities and pick up the binoculars to look at the bigger picture. This world is not all there is. The physical world we see and try so hard to protect is not final.
How much time and energy do we put into our spiritual lives compared to our physical lives? I hate to even think about that question. The recovering perfectionist in me is perpetually tired from trying to keep the house picked up and the laundry clean. I dare not let it go or it might just multiply on me.
Ironically when I am stressed, the first thing I do is start cleaning. I think it is the feeling of control I have over at least one facet of my life that compels me to do this. Yet this is not where my focus should be. My energies are unbalanced. I tell myself I will invest time into my soul once the dishes are put away and the laundry is done. We all know that chores are never all done. I sacrifice something that can hugely affect my security in eternity for one small insignificant thing that gives me a temporary feeling of control.
It is totally against our human nature that we trust someone or something else with our security. From a very early age anyone can see toddlers demanding to do things their way. Anyone who has a 2 year knows what I am talking about.
The things I cling to with white knuckled fists are things that I ultimately have no control over. “Ruin descends-you can't charm it away. Disaster strikes-you can't cast it off with spells.” Isaiah 47:9 Msg
No matter how hard I try I cannot stop hurt from coming into my life or the lives of the people I love. That fact often robs me of peace. Yet it’s in those times when I turn my God, the ONE I can trust, when I finally let him gently pry open my fist, that I find the peace I was looking for all along. He knows that it’s in those times of fear that I will come to him because nothing else can take away the ache in my heart. He knows that as long as I keep looking for my security in things of this world I will always come up bankrupt.
He wants me to experience His peace. He offers it freely, continually, and equally to anyone who will receive it. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
Why on earth do I forget that? Why do I even bother trying to find it anywhere else? This is my biggest frustration with myself, my forgetful heart. Thankfully he keeps reminding me.
Something I heard from a movie recently sums it up pretty well I think. “It’s simple really; it’s just hard”. (From the movie “What If”) Letting God be in control is still scary at times, but it is safe.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7
Our attempts to create peace and a feeling of security are seemingly in vain. Disease, divorce, and loss are prominent. Unemployment rates are dangerously high and the stock market is bleeding. Death is inescapable.
Where can we find this peace that we long for? Is it even attainable? It can feel at times we have found it for a moment but then it eludes us. Realizing that we have very little control over our lives can be frustrating, depressing and even scary.
Trust is a powerful thing. Depending on what or who you place your trust determines the extent of your peace. I have known very little suffering compared to some, but I have known enough suffering to know I want to prevent it. The effort to prevent pain whether physical or emotional displaces our focus.
We need to lay down the magnifying glass that justifies our dissatisfaction with our perceived securities and pick up the binoculars to look at the bigger picture. This world is not all there is. The physical world we see and try so hard to protect is not final.
How much time and energy do we put into our spiritual lives compared to our physical lives? I hate to even think about that question. The recovering perfectionist in me is perpetually tired from trying to keep the house picked up and the laundry clean. I dare not let it go or it might just multiply on me.
Ironically when I am stressed, the first thing I do is start cleaning. I think it is the feeling of control I have over at least one facet of my life that compels me to do this. Yet this is not where my focus should be. My energies are unbalanced. I tell myself I will invest time into my soul once the dishes are put away and the laundry is done. We all know that chores are never all done. I sacrifice something that can hugely affect my security in eternity for one small insignificant thing that gives me a temporary feeling of control.
It is totally against our human nature that we trust someone or something else with our security. From a very early age anyone can see toddlers demanding to do things their way. Anyone who has a 2 year knows what I am talking about.
The things I cling to with white knuckled fists are things that I ultimately have no control over. “Ruin descends-you can't charm it away. Disaster strikes-you can't cast it off with spells.” Isaiah 47:9 Msg
No matter how hard I try I cannot stop hurt from coming into my life or the lives of the people I love. That fact often robs me of peace. Yet it’s in those times when I turn my God, the ONE I can trust, when I finally let him gently pry open my fist, that I find the peace I was looking for all along. He knows that it’s in those times of fear that I will come to him because nothing else can take away the ache in my heart. He knows that as long as I keep looking for my security in things of this world I will always come up bankrupt.
He wants me to experience His peace. He offers it freely, continually, and equally to anyone who will receive it. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
Why on earth do I forget that? Why do I even bother trying to find it anywhere else? This is my biggest frustration with myself, my forgetful heart. Thankfully he keeps reminding me.
Something I heard from a movie recently sums it up pretty well I think. “It’s simple really; it’s just hard”. (From the movie “What If”) Letting God be in control is still scary at times, but it is safe.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7
Monday, August 23, 2010
He loves me, He love me not
One of my kids doesn’t like me. I know he loves me, but he doesn’t like me; unless his Daddy isn’t around, or he gets hurt or scared, or wants something I have (like a cookie). I have never had this happen before. All of my kids have preferred me over Rob in their baby and toddler stages. I am really quite surprised by it and feeling just a little rejected. Most days I don’t get too bothered by this, I justify that he is just in a stage and will grow out of it. I rationalize that after having three kids prefer me over Rob, this is only fair and now I know how Rob has felt all these years; at least I think I do.
I try not to expect something unrealistic from my toddler. Maybe we just don’t have the type of personalities that click. We all have people (and kids) in our life that we relate easier to, and some with more difficulty. But the mother in me wants to say “Hey, I carried you in my womb for 9 months, I gave birth to you, I nursed you and gave you nourishment for the first year of your life, I have spent countless nights awake with you, I have sacrificed for you; I DESERVE your devotion!
Hmmm, is this what Christ thinks about my relationship with Him? Do I only come to him when he is the last option I have? Or when I am hurt or scared, and want something? Do I prefer the things of this world over him? Do I value relationships with people on earth more than I value my relationship with him? All of this is just a little unsettling as I think about it and try to determine my heart’s motives.
I will never give up on my son. I will get frustrated with him, but I will never stop trying to show him the love that I have for him. I will never stop sacrificing for him, and I will never stop reaching out to him and waiting for him to give me his love in return-minus the selfish motives. What I feel for my child is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to God’s love for me. As my parent God has created me, given me a new life, provided for me, and even sacrificed his life for me. He is WORTHY of my devotion!
Even though I sometimes act like my two year old and cling to other things, God never gives up on me. He continues to pursue me, draw me nearer to him, and says to me "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3 Our stubbornness doesn’t negate his faithfulness to us “for great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever”. Psalm 117:2 Thank you Jesus, that you never give up on me!
I try not to expect something unrealistic from my toddler. Maybe we just don’t have the type of personalities that click. We all have people (and kids) in our life that we relate easier to, and some with more difficulty. But the mother in me wants to say “Hey, I carried you in my womb for 9 months, I gave birth to you, I nursed you and gave you nourishment for the first year of your life, I have spent countless nights awake with you, I have sacrificed for you; I DESERVE your devotion!
Hmmm, is this what Christ thinks about my relationship with Him? Do I only come to him when he is the last option I have? Or when I am hurt or scared, and want something? Do I prefer the things of this world over him? Do I value relationships with people on earth more than I value my relationship with him? All of this is just a little unsettling as I think about it and try to determine my heart’s motives.
I will never give up on my son. I will get frustrated with him, but I will never stop trying to show him the love that I have for him. I will never stop sacrificing for him, and I will never stop reaching out to him and waiting for him to give me his love in return-minus the selfish motives. What I feel for my child is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to God’s love for me. As my parent God has created me, given me a new life, provided for me, and even sacrificed his life for me. He is WORTHY of my devotion!
Even though I sometimes act like my two year old and cling to other things, God never gives up on me. He continues to pursue me, draw me nearer to him, and says to me "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3 Our stubbornness doesn’t negate his faithfulness to us “for great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever”. Psalm 117:2 Thank you Jesus, that you never give up on me!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The Other Side
The other day my daughter made a very interesting observation. She said, “ In some countries there isn’t any clean water to drink, and in our country we swim in it for fun.” Quite a bit of wisdom for an 11 year old! Perspective is a strange and mysterious thing. Depending on where you are standing, the story can be drastically different. There is an invisible dividing line, and I am often caught off guard at which side of the line I end up on.
To my neighbor across the street who is battling cancer, she is eager to go to work because it means that she is alive and well enough to be there; to the man down the street with the dead-end job going nowhere, every day is dreadful. The woman who can’t conceive a baby lies awake wishing she had a child to hold; while the mother who is exhausted from being robbed of sleep every night by a crying baby longs for a restful night. I can complain about the piles of laundry that seem to multiply while I sleep or I can thank God for the people in my life who wear the clothes I wash. Every day and every situation I am in silently demands I choose a perspective.
How do we reconcile our perceptions with reality? How do I deal with the frustration over expectations that have not been met? There are no formulas for life; no rhyme or reason. Good people die young and evil men live long lives. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matt 5:45) I’m realizing that I most often find myself getting disappointed when I want God to do things on my terms or at least be predictable. When things don’t turn out the way that I think they should, I have to remember that they have still been filtered through his hands. I am still to have high hopes…but in Him; not in a specific set of circumstances that I think is acceptable. My expectation needs to be in His faithfulness and goodness and love for me, not in whether my situation gets easier or more predictable. It’s when I get stubborn with my wants that I face frustration. The more I seek His will for my life, the more satisfied I am with what he gives me. “And Hope does not disappoint us” (Rom 5:5).
So, when my day (or sometimes my week, or month, or year), doesn’t go the way I had planned or envisioned, I have to remember that God sees the future. He knows that what lies ahead for me is a life “not lacking anything”. (James 1:4) I have to broaden my perspective, and consider that these “light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Cor 4:17) I don’t know about you, but some days, the promise of eternal glory is the only thing that keeps me going; that keeps me from losing my faith. A place where there is no cancer, where things don’t break, pay-checks don’t run short, and feelings don’t get stepped on, where all of the “whys” will be explained. “Where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matt 6:20) “no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Rev 21:4). Thank you Jesus that this world we live in is not all there is! Help me to keep my eyes on you and not on the circumstances I am in.
To my neighbor across the street who is battling cancer, she is eager to go to work because it means that she is alive and well enough to be there; to the man down the street with the dead-end job going nowhere, every day is dreadful. The woman who can’t conceive a baby lies awake wishing she had a child to hold; while the mother who is exhausted from being robbed of sleep every night by a crying baby longs for a restful night. I can complain about the piles of laundry that seem to multiply while I sleep or I can thank God for the people in my life who wear the clothes I wash. Every day and every situation I am in silently demands I choose a perspective.
How do we reconcile our perceptions with reality? How do I deal with the frustration over expectations that have not been met? There are no formulas for life; no rhyme or reason. Good people die young and evil men live long lives. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matt 5:45) I’m realizing that I most often find myself getting disappointed when I want God to do things on my terms or at least be predictable. When things don’t turn out the way that I think they should, I have to remember that they have still been filtered through his hands. I am still to have high hopes…but in Him; not in a specific set of circumstances that I think is acceptable. My expectation needs to be in His faithfulness and goodness and love for me, not in whether my situation gets easier or more predictable. It’s when I get stubborn with my wants that I face frustration. The more I seek His will for my life, the more satisfied I am with what he gives me. “And Hope does not disappoint us” (Rom 5:5).
So, when my day (or sometimes my week, or month, or year), doesn’t go the way I had planned or envisioned, I have to remember that God sees the future. He knows that what lies ahead for me is a life “not lacking anything”. (James 1:4) I have to broaden my perspective, and consider that these “light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Cor 4:17) I don’t know about you, but some days, the promise of eternal glory is the only thing that keeps me going; that keeps me from losing my faith. A place where there is no cancer, where things don’t break, pay-checks don’t run short, and feelings don’t get stepped on, where all of the “whys” will be explained. “Where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matt 6:20) “no more death or mourning or crying or pain" (Rev 21:4). Thank you Jesus that this world we live in is not all there is! Help me to keep my eyes on you and not on the circumstances I am in.
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