Monday, August 23, 2010

He loves me, He love me not

One of my kids doesn’t like me. I know he loves me, but he doesn’t like me; unless his Daddy isn’t around, or he gets hurt or scared, or wants something I have (like a cookie). I have never had this happen before. All of my kids have preferred me over Rob in their baby and toddler stages. I am really quite surprised by it and feeling just a little rejected. Most days I don’t get too bothered by this, I justify that he is just in a stage and will grow out of it. I rationalize that after having three kids prefer me over Rob, this is only fair and now I know how Rob has felt all these years; at least I think I do.

I try not to expect something unrealistic from my toddler. Maybe we just don’t have the type of personalities that click. We all have people (and kids) in our life that we relate easier to, and some with more difficulty. But the mother in me wants to say “Hey, I carried you in my womb for 9 months, I gave birth to you, I nursed you and gave you nourishment for the first year of your life, I have spent countless nights awake with you, I have sacrificed for you; I DESERVE your devotion!

Hmmm, is this what Christ thinks about my relationship with Him? Do I only come to him when he is the last option I have? Or when I am hurt or scared, and want something? Do I prefer the things of this world over him? Do I value relationships with people on earth more than I value my relationship with him? All of this is just a little unsettling as I think about it and try to determine my heart’s motives.

I will never give up on my son. I will get frustrated with him, but I will never stop trying to show him the love that I have for him. I will never stop sacrificing for him, and I will never stop reaching out to him and waiting for him to give me his love in return-minus the selfish motives. What I feel for my child is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to God’s love for me. As my parent God has created me, given me a new life, provided for me, and even sacrificed his life for me. He is WORTHY of my devotion!

Even though I sometimes act like my two year old and cling to other things, God never gives up on me. He continues to pursue me, draw me nearer to him, and says to me "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3 Our stubbornness doesn’t negate his faithfulness to us “for great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever”. Psalm 117:2 Thank you Jesus, that you never give up on me!

1 comment:

  1. Eva...this is such a good post. I love it. Funny because I know I do the very same thing. Thanks again for sharing!